last night, while talking to alex..i looked at my message archives..then i saw all out chats..me and tim's..<3 it was soooo funny...from dude, tol, sugs, bianX..it became...baby, sweetie, my love.. haha.ü wow. imagine that. we used to chat about the most stupid things..and it was kind of fun!!! i didnt hate him for anything...when he would tell me stuff like "i beat someone up" id be all..."ok. hahah" then now, when he says that..im all like "i hate you, i dont want a boyfriend that beats people up" ugh. i hate myself. im just like every other damn girlfriend. i want to STAND OUT. thats why tim loved me at first anyway..he said that i was different. well..now im not so different..am i?

so anyway..on with last night..when beni was online..i asked him "do you think tim loves me more than i love him, or i love him more?" then he was like "you love him more" wow. that suuuuucked. so then, for the rest of the night, i asked for advice...i just really dont know what the problem was. but i used the "i-think-my-boyfriend-doesnt-love-me-as-much-as-before" bit. haha.ü i know, typical. so anyway...first..i asked king. then he said that i should talk to him..and ask him if he still really loves me..and NO FLIRTING with other boys da. ok. thats what ill do, when tim calls. hopefully hell call tonight because its his last day for shool. so then, i asked miki..he said the same thing..without the no flirting bit. haha. so last..i asked rita. yup, rita. she told me to go out with him and do the PINKY thing. so.i realized, that i cant go out with him! so i told myself that the pinky thing wasnt bad at all.. ill do it with tim...ill just change the pinky thing to an ALL HONEST TALK. haha.ü yeah. thats it. well..after that, me and rita ended up talking about her and leonard. haha.

ok..so..announcement!!! happy birthday to my besty!!! rockey tanada!!! sorry i cant go to your party dude!! pero have fuuuuuun! mwah!!

well...thats it for now. bye!

well..today..i hate today.. i kinda wish that there would be school instead of just typing shit here unlit i go blind. haha.i mean, im so damn bored that i would often fin myself ruining my nalis, cleaning my nails, scratching my back, staring at myself in the mirror, fixing my friendster profile agina and again and again, playing with my chicken pox-ish whatevers, eating or just sitting down doing nothing. whats so fun about that!?

god..im not even done doing my IW cards. not even with LANGUAGE. damn it. ill do everything when i come back to school! shiiiiit! im going to die. im going to die! im really REALLY going todie. hahah, i got a P in the card. for language remember? and it was only coz of the damn IW cards. aarrgghh. damn it. damn it. damn it. i HATE IW cards. why cant i just transfer schools!? god. i hope i pass phil sci. i bet theres no IW there!

ok, what am i saying?! god. i need a 2 week social life.

hah. my grades are high. woo. but.....im not...wait..i cant..go to varcity night. fuck. okay lang. alex will be with me in the concert. hahah. ok lang. its going to be great!!!ü i hope. damn it. i gave sugay my ticket............im hoping he gives it back. hes so atat to go. whatever.

its time to spill out my thoughts again.

ok, so me and tim...theres only one word for us:twisted

i dont know if he still loves me talaga. everyday i wake up thinking about shit...like "does he REALLY love me?" or "when will he lose love for me?" ugh. im getting tired na. i really love him. i just dont want to end up like a loser if hes going to break up with me first. thats why if things dont turn up well in a week or so, im going to be the winner..even though i know that its going to hurt like hell..but..basta.

here are the reasons:

1.hes so effortless- before, he used to call me everyday just to say i love you..now, he barely calls!!!! ugh. its kinda annoying coz i just sit by the phone, every friggin day...and no one calls..NO one!!!! fuck you!!!

2. his letters- his letters, well..its annoying. he just talks about stuff. blah.

3. amica- he wrote to amica. secretly!!!!!! ugggggghhhhhh!!!!!!! putang ina. tas when he knew that i knew..he was all like "baby, how dd you find out bout amica?" well..fuck you!! bwiset!!!

i cannot believe that i still [and always will] love him..after all of this................................

well, i havent been writing. its coz the stupid internet got sira. bwiset na dsl. things are okay. my grades are pretty high.:) its great. my relationship with tim..well..thats NOT so okay. but, everything else..is perfect.:) hahahah.

friends are fine.:)

family's great:)

tim...uhmm...not my fault..

:)